"Christmas Spirit Rising Out of the Ashes"

By Sandra Miskie 

(aka: Grandma Geezer Ph.D)

At this present time...

... Grandma Geezer is living in a fully furnished studio apartment on the 11^th floor of a senior residence high rise that is free.

The view is breathtaking!

The full mountain range with snow capped peaks, the Christmas lights all over the metro area, the view of several lakes, downtown Denver is lit up, the football and baseball stadiums are in full view, the fireworks are going to be spectacular on New Year's Eve all over the city…I could go on and on.

I have gated parking, friends who live in the building, a free bus to take me shopping, snack and pop machines with all my favorites, twelve restaurants up and down the street which is festively decorated for the season, a television with antenna so I don’t have to pay for cable, a person who comes in and cleans for a nominal fee, an inside mailbox, an exercise room with every machine you need to get in shape and group activities which include games. Who could ask for more!

I am blessed! 

Trust me on this…look on the positive side of things or you will be swallowed up in negativity and bitterness.

It takes a monumental effort to do this in a crisis ...
... But well worth the effort. 

Only let yourself express your sorrows or losses with people who “get it” and who are working through things equally as devastating. Avoid those in similar situations that are pessimistic and only need attention.

Why do I say these things?

On the Saturday after Thanksgiving my town-home was engulfed in fire and smoke.  I was not at home because I was counseling a child about 30 minutes away. There is considerable smoke and water damage to my town-home so the entire place has been gutted and stripped of all appliances and such. Even the brick fireplace has been removed and I have yet to know all that can be salvaged. The insurance company has now rented me the above-mentioned residence for three months. 

I find out things like this as time goes on and the cleaning process progresses. There have been so many phone calls from different people that I have stopped trying to keep track of them!

Do you possibly remember my previous article on watching your emotions?

I have to follow that advice (my own) very carefully! I am beyond tired emotionally and physically, so I don’t always answer personal phone calls. My kids text or call me daily and I text them smiley faces with an “I love you”. I close my eyes and listen to my body telling me to stop, eat, hydrate and sleep. I answer phone calls late at night with texts.

When I find myself ready to rage or react over someone’s comment or inability to understand my situation I politely excuse myself and visit with my Lord. He understands my tears, frustration, confusion, financial losses, lack of personal items and the list goes on. I can look at the devastation of others on the East coast due to Hurricane Sandy but I have to keep in mind that mine is equally traumatic and shocking.

I know that I will survive.

I have to keep perspective.

I will have Christmas with friends and family and look forward to the New Year and the promise it brings!

May Christmas and the New Year bring you blessings!

Always look forward not backwards!

Ever yours through the thick and thin,

Grandma Geezer Ph.D

THANKSGIVING WITHOUT THE EXTRA HELPING OF SELFISHNESS

By Sandra Miskie 

(aka: Grandma Geezer Ph.D)

In the past year the world has seemed surreal to me. 
Wars and rumors of wars. Scandal all over the government. There are famines, earthquakes and weather catastrophes. People are betraying even the most treasured moral principles and standards of behavior. Our children’s  lack of respect is shown in their appalling language and disrespect for adult authority. The leaders of our churches are all over the news which parades their sins with delight.

I am wondering if this is how my parents felt...
... As they watched their world fall apart in the 1960’s and later.  Watergate, VietNam, Woodstock, the killing of Kennedy and other government officials, their children’s use of drugs and disrespect for authority, weather catastrophes…hmmmm …are you seeing a pattern in our lifetime? I am going on four generations and it doesn’t seem to change. It’s just more apparent because of the media availability.

TRUST ME ON THIS… we can’t change the ebb and flow of history, it just seems to repeat itself. The only hope we have doesn’t lie with man because no man can be trusted to carry out perfect moral behavior. We all have weaknesses and will bend if put in the right circumstance. If I have learned anything in all my years of living it’s that even the most admired people I’ve known are not perfect.

In the midst of all the world’s upheaval we can only be responsible for                           our own behavior and our response to the circumstances it brings.

Instead of:

Reacting *** Observe all aspects of the situation

Giving your opinion***  Listen intently to others

Judging***  Evaluate the situation for solutions

Feeling helpless***  Do something to help

With Thanksgiving coming up be willing to give of yourself to others.                                         In doing that you make your own part of the world better and others who watch you may be more willing to follow in your example.

This year.... 
...Eat more "humble pie" - Willingly.

Ever thankful,

Grandma Geezer Ph.D

"How To Lessen The Drama Guilt Brings"

By Sandra Miskie 

(aka: Grandma Geezer Ph.D)

Am I the only one to notice...

...That in order to alleviate guilt people will go to extremes, 

trying to disparage another person’s character? 

Now let’s be honest all of us have felt guilty, 

and it is an ugly emotion to deal with. 

Some people drown this emotion with liquor, food or drugs.
Others take more drastic measures to the point of deceit and spreading rumors placing questionable thoughts into naïve minds. In the most ruthless measure death to that person is the only option. Then the guilty party can alleviate any personal responsibility for their behavior and at times it can elevate that person into power.

At this point in her life...
... Grandma Geezer wants to lessen the drama guilt brings. 

As hard as it is, sometimes, to admit a wrong,..
...The peace that follows is the reward. Face up to the consequences, even if that means a long sabbatical from a colleague, friend, group or family member. Change your behavior and work at being more careful in what you say and do. 

TRUST ME ON THIS… Don’t let emotions run your life. 
Now that may mean that some people call you cold and unapproachable but those are the people who thrive on drama.

All of us are far from perfect and need to work on ourselves daily. 

Changing behavior is no easy task. 
However, every time I’ve let emotions take over, disaster, in many forms will follow. Sometimes it’s small and easy to fix but other times it has cost me in relationships, jobs and reputation. I would get caught up in self righteousness or pity most of the time and make decisions that hurt others deeply. Thankfully, I have three people who decided to be truthful with me. Although it was unpleasant to hear their insights into my poor behavior, I knew it was for my own good.

The other day my son shared that the first half of their life with me was not good but the second half is going very well. I didn’t like knowing I flubbed the first half but knowing that there has been improvement keeps me motivated to improve myself. 

I would like people to know that being perfect...
...And not making mistakes can never be totally achieved. So, I need to admit my errors in judgment and apologize for bad behavior – in doing that I live in tranquility and have no regrets because I am human and consequently will fail at times. With this in mind I am more likely to apologize and face up to the consequences of my behavior.

Keep Working on those Relationships! 

Your ever growing, learning and doting friend,

Grandma Geezer Ph.D

"A Legacy to Pass On "

By Grandma Geezer Ph.D.

The following statements were designed to make us think before we act. I like them because if I follow their dictates then I can stay out of trouble and personally … I like life without a boatload of problems.

Do I follow these words of wisdom on a regular basis… at least 91% of the time!   I am trying to up my percentage but I seem to have maxed out. However, I will keep trying my best.

He who holds his tongue is wise.

I have hurt so many people by not thinking through what I say before I say it. My children are unfortunately some of the victims of my tongue. I give my opinion before I am asked. They respond quite well by saying, “I am informing you of what I’m doing out of respect but I didn’t ask for your opinion on what I’ll be doing.” Well, ok, I think to myself, you’ve stepped in it again. Now my motto is “I don’t have to live the consequences of their choices. I will be there however they turn out.” If I disagree it’s just because I don’t want them to be hurt…but they are adults and I can’t be there 24/7. The interesting side to this behavior change is that they will ask for my opinion more often. The important part of this as well, don’t forget to apologize for those unintended hurts you caused.

If I don’t like the person I become when I’m with another person or in a particular situation I will at all cost avoid those settings whenever possible.

There are times that this is a hard thing to carry out. If I walk away from a person or situation and I’m furious or deeply bothered by it, I reflect on the person I want to be. When I don’t reflect, the situation escalates into molten lava spewing out on unintended victims. However, if I measure the impact on my life, the stress, the assumed loss of control at the moment, my "pride-o-meter" and other aspects of negative thought processes, I realize the cost is not worth it. 

I like being sane! I don’t like being crazy! 

Being sane means I don’t mull over the situation, I sleep better at night, I don’t head over to McD’s for my fourth ice cream cone (They’re dipped in chocolate now!), I don’t shed buckets of tears and therefore my eyes aren’t puffy and most importantly of all I avoid hurting those I care about.

I want to leave a legacy

What do I want my children and others to say about me at my funeral? 
Will they follow my example in their lives? 
What do they think of me now?

My youngest son who is now in his mid thirties recalls me driving through a McDonalds window to return a nickel. It stuck in his mind that even keeping a nickel that doesn’t belong to you should be returned. That lesson has permeated other aspects of his life. That’s a legacy! You never know what simple little thing you do that will change the way someone will approach life and that will carry through generationally.

My grandson saw a tear running down my face one day as I paused while reading a story to four of my grandchildren. “Are you talking to God again?  He asked me. “Yes I am and I am thanking Him for giving me enough time to meet all of you.” I replied.

 I was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given two months to live and the grandchildren around me hadn’t been born yet. Another legacy —  to remember his grandmother in that way just may make him a better grandparent.

(side note... I have survived a cancer diagnosis for 20 years so far!)

Trust me on this! 

The more you practice the above, the stronger you will become at living a more peaceful, sane life. Thinking ahead, watching what you say and do is the key to happiness. Wealth is not in the amount of things you have it is really measured in the peace you have in whatever chaos is surrounding you. I’m sure all of you out there will surpass the 91% that Grandma Geezer has stalled on. It just might be the hardest thing  you’ve ever worked on but well worth the effort.

Ever Attempting to be Yours Truly,
Grandma Geezer 

ARE YOU A VICTIM OR PRODUCT OF YOUR ENVIRONMENT?

By Sandra Miskie

Aka: "Grandma Geezer Ph.D"

Could it be  "Dave" the founder Wendy’s...
... Or the Superman Actor Christopher Reeve ?  

These two along with many others have fought through devastating circumstances, are products of their environment because they have given back to society. Their history did not cripple them but gave them a strong resolve to go forward and make things better not only for themselves but for others. They could have easily given up and no one would have blamed them but that was not an option. 

Too often we are bombarded with the failures in our society who are labeled victims. 

Those icons who had talent beyond measure and came from very poor backgrounds who ended up in morgues with their devastating secrets revealed, these  are victims according to the press and others. They added little to society but got a lot of attention and fame along with the big bucks. They chose to give up and ultimately lost their lives. 

What is the fine line that separates these two groups?
It’s the people who surrounded them. 

You can be supported or enabled. 

A supported person will get wisdom and correction from those around them and will savor it – ultimately making ongoing corrective actions the key in their lifestyle. The enabled person will have “Yes Men” around them who will agree to their demands and do nothing to correct their behavior beyond telling them they could try to change a few things. 

We all have people in our lives who will agree with us no matter how wrong we might be, 

Especially if we can manipulate their thinking to our belief in the facts. There are also those who know only how to criticize our actions – I avoid them. The third group is someone who will evaluate all situations, give wisdom into the situation not advice and ultimately show us a corrective path. Although the first group feeds our ego they often don’t have the right direction for the solution to our problem. 

I have to say, Trust me on this! 

The peace I gain from the third group, is phenomenal. My pride has been crushed, my ego in disrepair, my confidence wobbly and my need for repentance is overwhelming but ultimately I know deep down in my soul I am responsible for my behavior in all circumstances. I know my third group of people are the ones who truly care how I finish out my life. I can go forward in the confidence that I will not become a victim. I will become a stronger, wiser individual who will lead others into creating monumental lives and ultimately change things for the better.  

So! Go ahead and bravely ask yourself these questions!

Are the circumstances in which you came from crippling you or making you stronger? 

Are you taking charge of your life or are others running it for you? 

Are you dependent on others or independent in taking care of your daily needs? 

These three questions will decide whether you are a victim or product of your environment.

Remember a product gets better and better as it matures. 

Product or victim it’s all up to you.

Telling it like it is,
Grandma Geezer Ph.D.

Grandma Geezer’s Introduction (WHO AM I?)

To Blog or not to Blog? 

That is the question. 

Should I listen to my children and a lifetime friend who encourages me to Blog, or should I completely ignore their requests and enjoy retirement…[I can hear my children saying “Get on with it mom!”]. I’ve decided to give it a try. After all there are a lot of retired people who have gone on to second careers and made a go of it! Why not me? What have I got to lose except a few moments spent in playing Solitaire, Free Cell or Hearts.

I have to admit two things. 

I get excited when my children and their spouses who range in age from 30 to 42, support the idea of writing at my age and actually give positive comments about what I’ve written. Maybe I should give the populace at large the benefit of my experiences so that they never have to make the same errors in judgment that I did growing up. Maybe, just maybe my grandchildren will pick up on this as well. The other admittance is I have no idea what a Blog is, so my younger friend, who is an Apple geek and designed the Web Page, will be helping me. I hope she still remains my friend after this!

Have you ever wished you had “Do Overs”? 

I can’t tell you the number of “Do Overs” I wish I had. Would they have made a difference? Possibly, in most cases yes. In the few others it wouldn’t have but I could have saved myself a lot of anxiety, anger, moodiness and downright rudeness to others, if I’d just done what two of my friends do…wait hours or days before responding to situations that cause negative feelings. If something gets me going I just jump in…poor thinking process.

Have you ever walked blindly into a bus?

Sometimes other people will shove you. If you aren’t watching and examining the company you keep the bus will hit you more than once.  I’ve been thrown under the bus by others and it’s not pleasant but it only happens once with an individual and I’m out of there. However, had I prepared myself in advance for this person’s obvious behavior pattern I could have avoided the situation entirely.

Have you ever tried so hard to like someone it encompassed your whole being? 

That is an exhausting process to go through. You’ll find yourself in pieces scattered all over the place and wonder if you’ll ever feel whole again. Been there and done that! Better to walk away with at least most of your parts than stay. The parts grow back eventually but not without regret and sometimes bitterness remains so deep it will take major construction equipment to remove it.

Have you ever had major episodes of disappointment? 

You’ve tried to make good decisions and for whatever reasons they never come to fruition. You try to save money but unexpected events are always happening to drain the piggy bank. You take good care of your health, eat right, exercise and you end up with a terminal diagnosis. You work on a job for years and in the roughest part of the economy you lose it and the benefits. People you’ve known for years and that you’ve supported, all of a sudden turn on you because of a misunderstanding that could be settled by talking it out…but they will have no part of it.

Have you ever been rumored about...

...Where others believe another side of a story and never ask your part of the details?

Does your past impact every part of your life and the mistakes you make? 

How, you ask yourself can I change what I am? Maybe you’ve noticed behavior in a close friend that you’ve ignored because you care for them and it doesn’t have a negative impact on you…however it does impact aspects of their life over and over again. Do you want to say something but can’t seem to find an appropriate time to approach the subject?

Well, my friends that is why I’m writing the Blog,

Because I want to help guide others to a point where the chaos is reduced, emotions are balanced, rhetoric is traded for truth and you find a truly peaceful balance in life. Will it happen overnight? No! But often times in knowing others have made it through the above mentioned circumstances, is enough to motivate you to seek life changing decisions. Look for wisdom in changing your circumstances not just knowledge…wisdom brings with it years of experience where knowledge is found in many books but often times has no real understanding of your experience. 

To walk in another’s shoes is the key …..Trust me on this.

G.G. Ph.D