“There’s an Elephant in the Room”

Have you ever been in a situation where everyone knows what’s going on but no one says a word. These situations make me crazeeeeeeee!!!!! 

However, unlike the little guy who shouted out, “The king isn’t wearing any clothes!” and TRUST ME ON THIS, sometimes it is just better to keep quiet. 

I know not everyone will agree with me on this, 

But it is necessary if you are new to a situation.

Often times someone is allowed to carry on their behavior with the understanding that it is tolerable because of who they are. I am in a weekly situation that many people find offensive but to bring it to the person’s attention will not change it and might bring about a major emotional crisis that could be devastating. The person is in their 80’s, has been a volunteer for many years and has a home bound spouse that he takes care of. This is his only outlet to serve in an important capacity outside the home and so his behavior is endured by the staff – we work around it.

I would agree in other situations where someone’s behavior has a major impact on the environment, then, to keep quiet might not be in the interest of all concerned. But and I say this with a big “CAUTION” for your own good. Search out the reasons for everyone’s lack of movement in the circumstance before commenting on it. I remember being in another situation where an administrator’s caustic behavior was being tolerated and I recall thinking, why would anyone put up with this bully. I was new on the job, just a few weeks. I wasn’t privy to the fact that he had recently been under treatment for a brain tumor and the radiation along with chemotherapy had radically changed his behavior.

I’m just saying weigh the situation and its consequences carefully before stating an opinion on the circumstances. You have not walked a mile in another person’s moccasins and until you do don’t make emotionally charged decisions to alter a situation without the facts. The tongue is a mighty weapon and in the hands of the wrong information it can change your circumstances for the worst in many instances.

By Sandra Miskie - Better known as Grandma Geezer Ph.D

"A Legacy to Pass On "

By Grandma Geezer Ph.D.

The following statements were designed to make us think before we act. I like them because if I follow their dictates then I can stay out of trouble and personally … I like life without a boatload of problems.

Do I follow these words of wisdom on a regular basis… at least 91% of the time!   I am trying to up my percentage but I seem to have maxed out. However, I will keep trying my best.

He who holds his tongue is wise.

I have hurt so many people by not thinking through what I say before I say it. My children are unfortunately some of the victims of my tongue. I give my opinion before I am asked. They respond quite well by saying, “I am informing you of what I’m doing out of respect but I didn’t ask for your opinion on what I’ll be doing.” Well, ok, I think to myself, you’ve stepped in it again. Now my motto is “I don’t have to live the consequences of their choices. I will be there however they turn out.” If I disagree it’s just because I don’t want them to be hurt…but they are adults and I can’t be there 24/7. The interesting side to this behavior change is that they will ask for my opinion more often. The important part of this as well, don’t forget to apologize for those unintended hurts you caused.

If I don’t like the person I become when I’m with another person or in a particular situation I will at all cost avoid those settings whenever possible.

There are times that this is a hard thing to carry out. If I walk away from a person or situation and I’m furious or deeply bothered by it, I reflect on the person I want to be. When I don’t reflect, the situation escalates into molten lava spewing out on unintended victims. However, if I measure the impact on my life, the stress, the assumed loss of control at the moment, my "pride-o-meter" and other aspects of negative thought processes, I realize the cost is not worth it. 

I like being sane! I don’t like being crazy! 

Being sane means I don’t mull over the situation, I sleep better at night, I don’t head over to McD’s for my fourth ice cream cone (They’re dipped in chocolate now!), I don’t shed buckets of tears and therefore my eyes aren’t puffy and most importantly of all I avoid hurting those I care about.

I want to leave a legacy

What do I want my children and others to say about me at my funeral? 
Will they follow my example in their lives? 
What do they think of me now?

My youngest son who is now in his mid thirties recalls me driving through a McDonalds window to return a nickel. It stuck in his mind that even keeping a nickel that doesn’t belong to you should be returned. That lesson has permeated other aspects of his life. That’s a legacy! You never know what simple little thing you do that will change the way someone will approach life and that will carry through generationally.

My grandson saw a tear running down my face one day as I paused while reading a story to four of my grandchildren. “Are you talking to God again?  He asked me. “Yes I am and I am thanking Him for giving me enough time to meet all of you.” I replied.

 I was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given two months to live and the grandchildren around me hadn’t been born yet. Another legacy —  to remember his grandmother in that way just may make him a better grandparent.

(side note... I have survived a cancer diagnosis for 20 years so far!)

Trust me on this! 

The more you practice the above, the stronger you will become at living a more peaceful, sane life. Thinking ahead, watching what you say and do is the key to happiness. Wealth is not in the amount of things you have it is really measured in the peace you have in whatever chaos is surrounding you. I’m sure all of you out there will surpass the 91% that Grandma Geezer has stalled on. It just might be the hardest thing  you’ve ever worked on but well worth the effort.

Ever Attempting to be Yours Truly,
Grandma Geezer 

ARE YOU A VICTIM OR PRODUCT OF YOUR ENVIRONMENT?

By Sandra Miskie

Aka: "Grandma Geezer Ph.D"

Could it be  "Dave" the founder Wendy’s...
... Or the Superman Actor Christopher Reeve ?  

These two along with many others have fought through devastating circumstances, are products of their environment because they have given back to society. Their history did not cripple them but gave them a strong resolve to go forward and make things better not only for themselves but for others. They could have easily given up and no one would have blamed them but that was not an option. 

Too often we are bombarded with the failures in our society who are labeled victims. 

Those icons who had talent beyond measure and came from very poor backgrounds who ended up in morgues with their devastating secrets revealed, these  are victims according to the press and others. They added little to society but got a lot of attention and fame along with the big bucks. They chose to give up and ultimately lost their lives. 

What is the fine line that separates these two groups?
It’s the people who surrounded them. 

You can be supported or enabled. 

A supported person will get wisdom and correction from those around them and will savor it – ultimately making ongoing corrective actions the key in their lifestyle. The enabled person will have “Yes Men” around them who will agree to their demands and do nothing to correct their behavior beyond telling them they could try to change a few things. 

We all have people in our lives who will agree with us no matter how wrong we might be, 

Especially if we can manipulate their thinking to our belief in the facts. There are also those who know only how to criticize our actions – I avoid them. The third group is someone who will evaluate all situations, give wisdom into the situation not advice and ultimately show us a corrective path. Although the first group feeds our ego they often don’t have the right direction for the solution to our problem. 

I have to say, Trust me on this! 

The peace I gain from the third group, is phenomenal. My pride has been crushed, my ego in disrepair, my confidence wobbly and my need for repentance is overwhelming but ultimately I know deep down in my soul I am responsible for my behavior in all circumstances. I know my third group of people are the ones who truly care how I finish out my life. I can go forward in the confidence that I will not become a victim. I will become a stronger, wiser individual who will lead others into creating monumental lives and ultimately change things for the better.  

So! Go ahead and bravely ask yourself these questions!

Are the circumstances in which you came from crippling you or making you stronger? 

Are you taking charge of your life or are others running it for you? 

Are you dependent on others or independent in taking care of your daily needs? 

These three questions will decide whether you are a victim or product of your environment.

Remember a product gets better and better as it matures. 

Product or victim it’s all up to you.

Telling it like it is,
Grandma Geezer Ph.D.