By Sandra Miskie
Aka: "Grandma Geezer Ph.D"
I buried the most important man in my life this week.
He was my protector and encourager. Over the years he taught me many things – how to love, to make wise decisions, to manage what seemed impossible, to succeed when no one believed in your dream, to go further than the goals you set and to believe that the strength you need comes from God. My stepfather was my dad and he made me feel safe.
During these past few months I have learned...
...What to do more than any other time in my life so that caretakers, children or whomever is left won’t have to deal with high levels of emotional backlash. Watching those around me I have seen the need to make sure my bills are paid and to leave a clear trail of what needs to be done – organize so that those who may come in to help are not overwhelmed by miscellaneous paper trails that lead nowhere. Clearly identify your insurance carriers, stocks, bonds, bank accounts, properties and other money holdings – keep everything updated and throw away non-essential paper.
At the time of decline...
...Emotions will run amuck with misinterpreted verbal exchanges and it would be good to realign your thought processes. I will give you an example of what happened to me so that you can practice at work, church, or family gatherings. When I did this little exercise it helped me put into perspective what was really going on.
A friend of mine had brought food over..
... From the church and, as she was leaving - my mother heard me say in a joking manner, “I would do anything for Nancy.” Nancy is always calling and saying that God told her I would be available today. I always see her name pop up on caller ID and say “WHAT!” and she laughs heartedly. I love my volunteer work at the church.
My mother responded,
“Well, she never does what I want … it’s always the opposite of what I asked!” WHOA!!! I held back the tears, I was worn out from 24 hour on call shifts in the care of both mom and dad, for various reasons my other siblings could not commit, I was helping with the bills, the driving to doctor visits, the meals, the collection of money from various insurance policies, negotiating the caretaker problems and I had put my life on hold for all of this, not working fulltime in order to be available. I felt unappreciated. I excused myself after a wry smile to my mom and drove the five minutes to my house.
Ok…I took a deep breath.
Dad is gone what did that Godly man teach you and put it in place now. Here is a secret from a very wise man: [Trust my dad ....On this one.] Take the situation, put it somewhere else and then analyze it. If this comment by my mother had been said by anyone else, say at church or in a group of friends, I would have had a snappy comment and all of us would have been in gales of laughter. Why? Because I do have a habit of purposely doing the opposite if I know it will make people laugh. I have a reputation of being a troublemaker [in a good way] and I’m proud of it! The comeback would have been made to encourage more rhetoric on my behavior.
After taking into account the level of everyone’s place in the situation…
...Including myself, I realized the volatility of situation and the real possibility that mom was just trying to get in on the joke. I reacted that way because of all the energy I had put into taking care of my parents.
What I needed to do at that moment was not only important to me, but above all to God.
I needed to forgive and forget.
On that note...
...I will sign off for now. Chew on this one for a while!
Yours Truly through the Thick and Thin,
G.G. Phd.
